Instilling Values and Beliefs in Kids

There are so many important things we want to teach our children.  How do we monitor what we are doing to make sure we are setting the right example, or handing situations in such a way that fosters these beliefs, and values in our children?  It is so hard to gauge.  You know, there are two sides to every story.  How do I know that the side of the story or the value I am working on instilling is really sinking in or that he is interpreting the situation the same way??  They say to be consistent in your actions.  I try I really do but some times different actions call for different reactions.  I know, I am probably over thinking this a bit but, that is what I do.  I want to be a good parent as I'm sure many moms/dads do.  Again, a written manual to this thing called parenthood would be helpful.

~Kim

To be a Corporate Mom or a SAHM?

That is the question...

So every couple of months I sit in my office and go back and forth as to what I truly want to do when i grow up.  Do I want to strive to be that successful corporate mom that can balance the great office life with her great family life?  OR Do I want to just stop work and be a SAHM with my boy.  I do realize that in order for me to realistically do this I would need to come up with an idea to generate some kind of income.  OR Are both of these ideas really just that, ideas....

I enjoy feeling accomplished and having something like work to go to to get away and really identify myself in the "outside" world.  I need to be able to set goals and accomplish them.  I need to have projects in my life as well.  This is just me.  Many times though my job doesn't really allow for me that sense of accomplishment nor does it give me the involvement needed.  It becomes a feeling of resentment instead of accomplishment.  I cannot be at home because i have to come in here and sit and do nothing all day, away from my son. *breathe*

Ok, or the alternative, to quit my job so i can stay at home with my son.  Now in today's economy and the financial situations of couples these days makes it impossible for that to happen for many of us.  I would need to find an alternative source of income.  I am not all about pyramid schemes, or get rich quick schemes, or anything like that.  I mean a legitimate business idea that will provide me with something to connect to and something that pays me.  I am beginning to research ideas like this to see what is out there.  Many of the sites recommend day care in your home, crafting, or real estate (renting and selling). 

I have to keep digging and really think about this alternative because as much as the grass seems greener on the other side... what you don't know you don't know.  Its better to do the research.

Are there alternatives to a 9 - 5, in office job that you have seen success with??  Anyone?  My quest continues.

~K

How do you Cope?

By no means am I an expert at dealing with the curve balls that life throws at you but I was talking with a couple friends about this and it got me to thinking.

Many of my friends, working and non working, will relax with a glass of wine, or some of them smoke.  I often see Facebook posts of women frustrated/exhausted with all of the things going on in their world and I wonder what it is that gets them past their frustrations. How do they cope?  Is it with wine, knitting, gardening, writing, verbal diarrhea to a friend, sex?  Its easy to get through life if you have good healthy coping mechanisms. It also helps if those same mechanisms stick around all your life.

I am Irish and have always shut down verbally (unless forced :)) when things are not going my way.  It is difficult for me to discuss things.  So to "cope" with this personality flaw, I have always coped with wine and writing out problems.  If things get out of control and I just need to escape and relax I go and grab a glass of wine and sit with a journal or piece of paper.  Now not in a raging alcoholic kinda way at all... just as a way to stop, sit and relax, escape or think about the situations at hand.  It a way it helps me regroup. 

What are some of the things you do when things get tough or do not go your way??  How do you cope?

Full Time Mom and Employee

Yup that is me.  On Full Time.

How do I do it??

Well I just do.

I take it day by day and really just live.  I wanted to get this off my chest so thanks for listening:

ON FULL TIME :)

My house is a mess but livable

I have dishes in the sink (that drives my hubby crazy)

I never make my bed

There are piles of clean laundry on the floor in my room (also drives hubby crazy)

Kids toys are thrown about my house

My fridge is full but not with what we need for a well balanced meal each night

I pass out as soon as I put my son to bed


BUT

I have a close family & friends that I love very much

An amazing son who I would do anything for

A Loving supportive hubby that is always there for us

I have a job

I am on time for said job (most days)

I rush to pick my son up at preschool 5pm each day (even though its 1/2 hr away)

Cant think of more...

Perfectly Imperfect.

SuperMom to the rescue!!

OK.  I am on the hunt.... I need your help.

I am having a Superhero themed birthday party for my son's 3rd b-day and have been researching this for about a month now.  I am set on invitations, decorations, food, and venue.  I have one thing left.  I would have never imagined how hard it would be to find these things.  It looks like i might have to put on my Martha Stewart hat and make the damn things myself.  God willing!

Can you guess what I have been searching for obsessively??

Capes!  Superhero capes for kids that do not cost an arm and a leg to order.

I have been to Esty, and all sites Google provided but I cannot justify paying $55 for 8 capes!!  $10 a cape!?!? Come on people... Don't kids play superhero all the time. Shouldn't moms be able to find a cape for their little boy (or party of 15 kids) :)

Well if you have any ideas I am desperate.  I do not want to subject my hubby to the craziness that will ensue if I have to make these things.

HELP!

Parenting a Job?? Who would'a thunk it??

A child is born.  It is an amazing experience. You want to love, shelter and raise that child with everything you can possibly give them.  Shelter them from the craziness that this world has going on.  Grow with them. Learn from them.  Teach them to be the best person they can be.  That is where the "job" part of motherhood comes in.  When you think motherhood when you are not a mom yet, or never plan to be, you think of a loving, supportive, caring, selfless, always there for you, kind of person.  You never think of the behind the scenes struggle that that person may have inside of them with the preforming of the duties of motherhood.

As parents we are supposed to teach our children the ways of the world.  When I was reading around the Internet for some of the so called "duties" of motherhood some things came up like, building self esteem, teaching healthy eating habits, behavior management, responsibility, etc.  I totally agree with a lot of these things and would add some of my own in there too.  What I did not find was the "how to" guide making these things happen for your children, successfully.

Being a mom or a parent involves a great deal of self surrender, you need to overcome your self-centeredness and put your child first.  Teaching your children these core values is no easy feat.  Much of those feelings to providing and sheltering feelings need to be suppressed and tough Super Mom needs to come out.  I am not used to this role yet.  Many say you need to hunker down and stand your ground.  You are the adult.  You need to tell them what is right and wrong.  You need to make your kid independent. Blah, blah, everyone has an opinion right??  Well right now I have to jump in this role, whether i like it or am used to it or not.

Here is the deal: 
My son, sleeps great in his crib until about December 2010, he begins to climb out of crib, my hubby and i get him a "big boy" bed for his room.  Big Boy (only 2 3/4 years old) helps me set up the bed and put all his fav animals on it, woody and buzz wall stickers.  We are pumped to move into this new bed.  Right? 

Well working full time leaves me to have Big Boy watched by a number of people during the week (school, Dad, father in law).  Naps for everyone else are a breeze, he goes into his bed or cot, at school, and goes to sleep.  Bedtime, when Mom isn't home, super!  Big Boy goes to bed no problem.  Mom is home... bedtime is well a needy time for Big Boy.  "Mom, I need you in my Big boy bed with me." Crushes my little heart.  I say, "Sure baby. No problem." Thinking i will get up when he falls asleep.  What happens??  He AND I both fall asleep for the night.  Many times i get up and go in with Dad but... I'm pooped by the end of the day.

SO any mention of this arrangement or situation to friends, family, whoever all say BAD MOVE momma.  You are not teaching your kid Independence.  He will never let you leave his side.  Doesn't this hurt you and Dads relationship.  Truth?  Its been about 3 months of me sleeping (or falling asleep) with Big Boy and I wouldn't change a thing, however, Dad is getting pissed and apparently I'm doing Big Boy a disservice.

I need to cut it off.  Let him scream and cry for hours until he falls asleep without Momma.  Breaks my heart.  It is for his own good. He "needs" to be able to sleep by himself, and he can with EVERYONE else, just not Mom.  After bed time is a special time for my hubby and I as well as me to just relax and decompress.  Here is where the "How to" guide would be really helpful

How do I make Big Boy understand at 2 (almost 3 years old) that he needs to sleep by himself.  It should be easy right??  I am the Momma and that is what is best for him.  I don't have a good reason.  It is just what i say.  He can scream and kick and yell and be extremely sad, mad and angry at me.  but what I say goes. 

I think??  Right?? Ughhhhhh.....

Judging -- Is it human nature??

Latley I have been feeling the pressure of others passing judgement on my parenting and my child.  Could it all be in my head?  Maybe but I doubt it.  My boy is a good boy, active, caring, funny, never meaning to do harm.  He is almost 3!  The craziness of the world hasnt effeted him yet.  He is still pure so to speak.

If you know me you know my first instinct is to haul off and punch these "judgers" but then I think back to the days before I had my child.  I judged others parenting - I worked in a day care center for the love of the lord.  I was constantly with children and taking their actions as a reflection of their parents wrong doing.  Now here I sit, with a great little almost 3 year old experiencing people doing this to me - openly to boot!  Karma is a bitch I guess. I know there is a lesson in here somewhere.  :)

Ok, here it is:  I now know that I need to NOT do this to others because I do not live in their life on a day to day basis.  I am not walking that mile in their shoes.  When we first have our children we get it in our head that we are going to be the best damn parents to our kids.  They are going to grow up honest, helpful, disciplined, good kids. Right?? Sounds easy enough. 

Wrong.  This is no joke.  Parenting is an everyday learning experience.  If you are a parent already, you should know this.  I am not blessed with all of the answers. I do what I feel is best in that moment.  I do make mistakes.  Taking it one day at a time to make sure that we (my hubby and I) are making the right decisions for our family and our son.  Everyday we wake up and are faced with so many different decisions and our kids emulate what we do.  They learn from us.  We are their role models. 

I challenge you to this.  The next time you are out somewhere, at a family party, on vacation, at the grocery store, anywhere, try NOT to be a "judger".  Understand that those parents or people are just doing their best in their everyday life.  They could be parents or that grumpy lady behind the registers.  Walk a mile in their shoes.

DONT JUDGE - Karma is a bitch.