Thursday, March 24, 2011

Parenting a Job?? Who would'a thunk it??

A child is born.  It is an amazing experience. You want to love, shelter and raise that child with everything you can possibly give them.  Shelter them from the craziness that this world has going on.  Grow with them. Learn from them.  Teach them to be the best person they can be.  That is where the "job" part of motherhood comes in.  When you think motherhood when you are not a mom yet, or never plan to be, you think of a loving, supportive, caring, selfless, always there for you, kind of person.  You never think of the behind the scenes struggle that that person may have inside of them with the preforming of the duties of motherhood.

As parents we are supposed to teach our children the ways of the world.  When I was reading around the Internet for some of the so called "duties" of motherhood some things came up like, building self esteem, teaching healthy eating habits, behavior management, responsibility, etc.  I totally agree with a lot of these things and would add some of my own in there too.  What I did not find was the "how to" guide making these things happen for your children, successfully.

Being a mom or a parent involves a great deal of self surrender, you need to overcome your self-centeredness and put your child first.  Teaching your children these core values is no easy feat.  Much of those feelings to providing and sheltering feelings need to be suppressed and tough Super Mom needs to come out.  I am not used to this role yet.  Many say you need to hunker down and stand your ground.  You are the adult.  You need to tell them what is right and wrong.  You need to make your kid independent. Blah, blah, everyone has an opinion right??  Well right now I have to jump in this role, whether i like it or am used to it or not.

Here is the deal: 
My son, sleeps great in his crib until about December 2010, he begins to climb out of crib, my hubby and i get him a "big boy" bed for his room.  Big Boy (only 2 3/4 years old) helps me set up the bed and put all his fav animals on it, woody and buzz wall stickers.  We are pumped to move into this new bed.  Right? 

Well working full time leaves me to have Big Boy watched by a number of people during the week (school, Dad, father in law).  Naps for everyone else are a breeze, he goes into his bed or cot, at school, and goes to sleep.  Bedtime, when Mom isn't home, super!  Big Boy goes to bed no problem.  Mom is home... bedtime is well a needy time for Big Boy.  "Mom, I need you in my Big boy bed with me." Crushes my little heart.  I say, "Sure baby. No problem." Thinking i will get up when he falls asleep.  What happens??  He AND I both fall asleep for the night.  Many times i get up and go in with Dad but... I'm pooped by the end of the day.

SO any mention of this arrangement or situation to friends, family, whoever all say BAD MOVE momma.  You are not teaching your kid Independence.  He will never let you leave his side.  Doesn't this hurt you and Dads relationship.  Truth?  Its been about 3 months of me sleeping (or falling asleep) with Big Boy and I wouldn't change a thing, however, Dad is getting pissed and apparently I'm doing Big Boy a disservice.

I need to cut it off.  Let him scream and cry for hours until he falls asleep without Momma.  Breaks my heart.  It is for his own good. He "needs" to be able to sleep by himself, and he can with EVERYONE else, just not Mom.  After bed time is a special time for my hubby and I as well as me to just relax and decompress.  Here is where the "How to" guide would be really helpful

How do I make Big Boy understand at 2 (almost 3 years old) that he needs to sleep by himself.  It should be easy right??  I am the Momma and that is what is best for him.  I don't have a good reason.  It is just what i say.  He can scream and kick and yell and be extremely sad, mad and angry at me.  but what I say goes. 

I think??  Right?? Ughhhhhh.....

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