Friday, October 14, 2011

Balancing Life and well, Life...

So reno's are underway at my house and it cannot be completed soon enough.  I feel SO unprepared for baby its nuts!!  I have been pulling stuff out of storage each weekend and cleaning things off that i saved from Lil Man.  Just want the house and room set.  <insert eye roll>

Anyhoo, while that is going on, I have been contemplating how to articulate a struggle I have been having/trying to overcome over the past few months.  Balance.  Balance between life and well, life.  It sounds funky but really.  Its not a work/life balance so much, as I do my job and go home, but its more of a being the best mom and wife (and other roles) that I can be.  I know you probabaly think, that me wanting to be the best is my first problem.  Well, I have always tried to do things to the best of my ability becuase otherwise, why do them?  I'm not trying to be supermom or superwife by any means. (I gave in to that about 1 year and a half ago... Hahaha...)  I just want to be able to give both J and J what they need from me on a daily basis.  Sounds easy right?

Lil man is beginning to become a bit more independent at 3.5 years old.  He is able to get himself dressed, and can play for a short time by himself, etc.  I want him to be independent so when I see this I give him his space.  All that is amazing to watch, however, after work, I get home or pick him up and I just want to spend as much time with him and learn how he grew that day.  I want to play outside, or draw and talk with him.  I want to be present with him as much as I can.  Call it a bit of guilt for not being with him all day but either way, I don't want to miss a thing in his development or his ever changing persona.  We have fun.  I look forward to that time each day!! Now remember he is an active 3.5 year old boy with a lot of energy.  This together time lasts from 5:20 when I get home to about 9pm and beyond. 

We have also gotten into a terrible habit of me sleeping with him.  Yes, I know.  This is a BIG first time parent mistake that I don't know how I am going to fix.  It started with me just snuggling but when i got preggers and couldn't keep my eyes open past 8:30 I just passed out with him and now, if I am home, I am sleeping with him. Part of me says, it wont last forever, but the other part of me wants that time at night to myself OR to be with hubby.  I have to break this cycle before January when Baby Girl comes or its going to get ugly.  Suggestions welcome (encouraged).  We tried a couple techniques to end this like a treasure box and me pretending to go to store... all unsuccessful

Phew, ok, so all of this with Lil Man is great stuff.  I love spending time with him and snuggling, although it has its not so great side too.  NO time, and I mean NO time with hubby or for myself.  I love my husband to the moon and back and have no idea where I would be without him.  He is my rock.  I just feel like lately, I have not been able to BALANCE my time to give him the attention (or just have a conversation) he (we)need because of the time I want to spend with Lil Man.  I know hubby is not feeling the love and it kills me.  I need to be stronger than I am and set those boundaries and rules with Lil Man so my relationship with Hubby doesn't go down the tubes.  He has been extremely patient with me over the past few months.  So much so that I am getting nervous that maybe he is just thinking differently.

Then there is me time, this is not time I really NEED so to speak but the Dr says I should have it.  I get done what I need to get done (or so I think, hubby thinks differently).  I should have time to do yoga or go for a walk, catch up with old friends, or something... Hubby gives me nap time on the weekend to go out but I feel like I should use that time to be with him or napping.

How do I balance my time so that I can give to both equally.  Also, is it nuts that I feel I have to give separately??  AND together? 

Am I even making sense?? Is anyone out there??  Trying to come up with a solution or compromise here that will please all parties... Is it possible??


Thursday, September 29, 2011

Pregger Crazies and Raised Ranch Remodels

Ok, so it has been ages since I have written.  I have had a case of the pregger crazies.  Not sure if any of you ladies have experienced this but it is an intense feeling of anxiety of not feeling ready.  So as I mentioned we do not have the room currently in our home to welcome another bundle of joy.  SO we, my hubby, Lil man and I have had to do some serious organization and re-organization of our lives and space we live it in.  What exactly do I mean?  Well where to begin...

Our Humble Abode
Not sure if you remember, we had our home on the market for a year but our timing was right in line with the housing crash so now we are going to make the best of the situation and with what we have. We are extremely lucky to have a handy family member that handles crazy well.  My father in law (FIL) has taken on the task of working to make our home a place that works.  Keep in mind we have a Raised Ranch style home that's about 1500 sq ft. Not much wiggle room...

Master bedroom before
When we moved in, we made the three bedrooms into two (a large master, pictured on side & a spare, which is now my sons). We have since added an additional bedroom to the bottom level to the house so that we had a bedroom for guests when they came (and hey, its easier to try to sell a three bedroom than a two).  It was what worked for us at the time.  Now with our quickly approaching due date, we are working to create a bedroom for Baby Girl.  How you ask????  We are giving up our roomy master bedroom with large closet and dividing it into two rooms.  One for my hubby and I and one for Baby Girl. Yes, no closet in our bedroom. 

Master bdroom before
What are you going to do with all of your stuff you ask???? Well, we had to get creative with this. We had a coming to Jesus actually, realizing that we are NEVER, ever going to workout in our home and took the wasted space of our "workout" room and converted it into a huge walk in closet (Picture to follow).  Phew, worked that one out.  FIL is working on that as we speak so it can be done and I work on getting what we need for Baby Girl because that should have started long ago. LOL. 

Workout Room Before

Next plan?  A playroom located downstairs, closing in my fav of all time screened in porch.  This will allow the kids a space of their own to play and be while not overwhelmnig the rest of the house with toys and arts and crafts as it is now.  FIL will work on that when bedrooms are complete. Pictures to follow on this one... 

Monday, August 29, 2011

Were Expecting!!

It has taken me a long time (5 months) to write this post and announce this to the world.  My family and I are expecting our second child!! January 10th, 2012 is our estimated due date :))  Not only that, but we are expecting a baby GIRL!! Yes, I could not wait to find out!  I am too Type A and need to plan out the rest of my preggers time.  A girl!! Unbelievable.  I am so excited!  I love my son and he has been a blessing and a half and I wouldn't change anything about having him.  I have always wanted a girl!  So fun to dress up and the PINK :)) i know, many are haters of pink but i am pumped to use it.  OK, breathe, Kim. 

So let me rewind a bit.  I was nervous about getting preggers again because we had some complications with a pregnancy last year (lost baby) and could not go through that again.  I kept this pregnancy a secret till about week 16-17 from EVERYONE! I mean everyone, even my family.  The prescreen tests and ultrasound all had to come out within normal limits for me to feel comfortable.  It was not until the last ultrasound at 20 weeks until I could see the baby and that they could measure all of the parts to see if everything "looked" good until I could actually let myself emotionally accept this pregnancy.  Well I am ecstatic to say that all looks good and i can now accept and embrace what is happening.

Ahhh.... ok, now the crazy planning lady is coming out... The house, we have no room. How to make room for baby?  We need to renovate!  Damn Raised Ranch!  To work, or not to work? How expensive is daycare? Can I have someone else watch my baby?  Can we afford it??  How to prepare Jake for sibling?  What do we name her??  How do i agree with the hubby on a name??

OH the questions and planning that comes along with Baby #2!

So exciting!


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Marriage Poem ~ Found Online

Ok, so in reading about Brooke Burke's secret wedding in St. Barts she posted a poem.  Its a pretty popular poem but really speaks to what marriage should really be... Enjoy!

The Art Of A Good Marriage

Wilferd Arlan Peterson

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say "I love you" at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end
with the honeymoon, it should continue through the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice,
but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation
and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating flexibility, patience,
understanding and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow old.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

Love you J!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Instilling Values and Beliefs in Kids

There are so many important things we want to teach our children.  How do we monitor what we are doing to make sure we are setting the right example, or handing situations in such a way that fosters these beliefs, and values in our children?  It is so hard to gauge.  You know, there are two sides to every story.  How do I know that the side of the story or the value I am working on instilling is really sinking in or that he is interpreting the situation the same way??  They say to be consistent in your actions.  I try I really do but some times different actions call for different reactions.  I know, I am probably over thinking this a bit but, that is what I do.  I want to be a good parent as I'm sure many moms/dads do.  Again, a written manual to this thing called parenthood would be helpful.


Tuesday, June 28, 2011

To be a Corporate Mom or a SAHM?

That is the question...

So every couple of months I sit in my office and go back and forth as to what I truly want to do when i grow up.  Do I want to strive to be that successful corporate mom that can balance the great office life with her great family life?  OR Do I want to just stop work and be a SAHM with my boy.  I do realize that in order for me to realistically do this I would need to come up with an idea to generate some kind of income.  OR Are both of these ideas really just that, ideas....

I enjoy feeling accomplished and having something like work to go to to get away and really identify myself in the "outside" world.  I need to be able to set goals and accomplish them.  I need to have projects in my life as well.  This is just me.  Many times though my job doesn't really allow for me that sense of accomplishment nor does it give me the involvement needed.  It becomes a feeling of resentment instead of accomplishment.  I cannot be at home because i have to come in here and sit and do nothing all day, away from my son. *breathe*

Ok, or the alternative, to quit my job so i can stay at home with my son.  Now in today's economy and the financial situations of couples these days makes it impossible for that to happen for many of us.  I would need to find an alternative source of income.  I am not all about pyramid schemes, or get rich quick schemes, or anything like that.  I mean a legitimate business idea that will provide me with something to connect to and something that pays me.  I am beginning to research ideas like this to see what is out there.  Many of the sites recommend day care in your home, crafting, or real estate (renting and selling). 

I have to keep digging and really think about this alternative because as much as the grass seems greener on the other side... what you don't know you don't know.  Its better to do the research.

Are there alternatives to a 9 - 5, in office job that you have seen success with??  Anyone?  My quest continues.


Thursday, June 23, 2011

How do you Cope?

By no means am I an expert at dealing with the curve balls that life throws at you but I was talking with a couple friends about this and it got me to thinking.

Many of my friends, working and non working, will relax with a glass of wine, or some of them smoke.  I often see Facebook posts of women frustrated/exhausted with all of the things going on in their world and I wonder what it is that gets them past their frustrations. How do they cope?  Is it with wine, knitting, gardening, writing, verbal diarrhea to a friend, sex?  Its easy to get through life if you have good healthy coping mechanisms. It also helps if those same mechanisms stick around all your life.

I am Irish and have always shut down verbally (unless forced :)) when things are not going my way.  It is difficult for me to discuss things.  So to "cope" with this personality flaw, I have always coped with wine and writing out problems.  If things get out of control and I just need to escape and relax I go and grab a glass of wine and sit with a journal or piece of paper.  Now not in a raging alcoholic kinda way at all... just as a way to stop, sit and relax, escape or think about the situations at hand.  It a way it helps me regroup. 

What are some of the things you do when things get tough or do not go your way??  How do you cope?

Friday, June 3, 2011

Full Time Mom and Employee

Yup that is me.  On Full Time.

How do I do it??

Well I just do.

I take it day by day and really just live.  I wanted to get this off my chest so thanks for listening:


My house is a mess but livable

I have dishes in the sink (that drives my hubby crazy)

I never make my bed

There are piles of clean laundry on the floor in my room (also drives hubby crazy)

Kids toys are thrown about my house

My fridge is full but not with what we need for a well balanced meal each night

I pass out as soon as I put my son to bed


I have a close family & friends that I love very much

An amazing son who I would do anything for

A Loving supportive hubby that is always there for us

I have a job

I am on time for said job (most days)

I rush to pick my son up at preschool 5pm each day (even though its 1/2 hr away)

Cant think of more...

Perfectly Imperfect.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

SuperMom to the rescue!!

OK.  I am on the hunt.... I need your help.

I am having a Superhero themed birthday party for my son's 3rd b-day and have been researching this for about a month now.  I am set on invitations, decorations, food, and venue.  I have one thing left.  I would have never imagined how hard it would be to find these things.  It looks like i might have to put on my Martha Stewart hat and make the damn things myself.  God willing!

Can you guess what I have been searching for obsessively??

Capes!  Superhero capes for kids that do not cost an arm and a leg to order.

I have been to Esty, and all sites Google provided but I cannot justify paying $55 for 8 capes!!  $10 a cape!?!? Come on people... Don't kids play superhero all the time. Shouldn't moms be able to find a cape for their little boy (or party of 15 kids) :)

Well if you have any ideas I am desperate.  I do not want to subject my hubby to the craziness that will ensue if I have to make these things.


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Parenting a Job?? Who would'a thunk it??

A child is born.  It is an amazing experience. You want to love, shelter and raise that child with everything you can possibly give them.  Shelter them from the craziness that this world has going on.  Grow with them. Learn from them.  Teach them to be the best person they can be.  That is where the "job" part of motherhood comes in.  When you think motherhood when you are not a mom yet, or never plan to be, you think of a loving, supportive, caring, selfless, always there for you, kind of person.  You never think of the behind the scenes struggle that that person may have inside of them with the preforming of the duties of motherhood.

As parents we are supposed to teach our children the ways of the world.  When I was reading around the Internet for some of the so called "duties" of motherhood some things came up like, building self esteem, teaching healthy eating habits, behavior management, responsibility, etc.  I totally agree with a lot of these things and would add some of my own in there too.  What I did not find was the "how to" guide making these things happen for your children, successfully.

Being a mom or a parent involves a great deal of self surrender, you need to overcome your self-centeredness and put your child first.  Teaching your children these core values is no easy feat.  Much of those feelings to providing and sheltering feelings need to be suppressed and tough Super Mom needs to come out.  I am not used to this role yet.  Many say you need to hunker down and stand your ground.  You are the adult.  You need to tell them what is right and wrong.  You need to make your kid independent. Blah, blah, everyone has an opinion right??  Well right now I have to jump in this role, whether i like it or am used to it or not.

Here is the deal: 
My son, sleeps great in his crib until about December 2010, he begins to climb out of crib, my hubby and i get him a "big boy" bed for his room.  Big Boy (only 2 3/4 years old) helps me set up the bed and put all his fav animals on it, woody and buzz wall stickers.  We are pumped to move into this new bed.  Right? 

Well working full time leaves me to have Big Boy watched by a number of people during the week (school, Dad, father in law).  Naps for everyone else are a breeze, he goes into his bed or cot, at school, and goes to sleep.  Bedtime, when Mom isn't home, super!  Big Boy goes to bed no problem.  Mom is home... bedtime is well a needy time for Big Boy.  "Mom, I need you in my Big boy bed with me." Crushes my little heart.  I say, "Sure baby. No problem." Thinking i will get up when he falls asleep.  What happens??  He AND I both fall asleep for the night.  Many times i get up and go in with Dad but... I'm pooped by the end of the day.

SO any mention of this arrangement or situation to friends, family, whoever all say BAD MOVE momma.  You are not teaching your kid Independence.  He will never let you leave his side.  Doesn't this hurt you and Dads relationship.  Truth?  Its been about 3 months of me sleeping (or falling asleep) with Big Boy and I wouldn't change a thing, however, Dad is getting pissed and apparently I'm doing Big Boy a disservice.

I need to cut it off.  Let him scream and cry for hours until he falls asleep without Momma.  Breaks my heart.  It is for his own good. He "needs" to be able to sleep by himself, and he can with EVERYONE else, just not Mom.  After bed time is a special time for my hubby and I as well as me to just relax and decompress.  Here is where the "How to" guide would be really helpful

How do I make Big Boy understand at 2 (almost 3 years old) that he needs to sleep by himself.  It should be easy right??  I am the Momma and that is what is best for him.  I don't have a good reason.  It is just what i say.  He can scream and kick and yell and be extremely sad, mad and angry at me.  but what I say goes. 

I think??  Right?? Ughhhhhh.....

Monday, March 21, 2011

Judging -- Is it human nature??

Latley I have been feeling the pressure of others passing judgement on my parenting and my child.  Could it all be in my head?  Maybe but I doubt it.  My boy is a good boy, active, caring, funny, never meaning to do harm.  He is almost 3!  The craziness of the world hasnt effeted him yet.  He is still pure so to speak.

If you know me you know my first instinct is to haul off and punch these "judgers" but then I think back to the days before I had my child.  I judged others parenting - I worked in a day care center for the love of the lord.  I was constantly with children and taking their actions as a reflection of their parents wrong doing.  Now here I sit, with a great little almost 3 year old experiencing people doing this to me - openly to boot!  Karma is a bitch I guess. I know there is a lesson in here somewhere.  :)

Ok, here it is:  I now know that I need to NOT do this to others because I do not live in their life on a day to day basis.  I am not walking that mile in their shoes.  When we first have our children we get it in our head that we are going to be the best damn parents to our kids.  They are going to grow up honest, helpful, disciplined, good kids. Right?? Sounds easy enough. 

Wrong.  This is no joke.  Parenting is an everyday learning experience.  If you are a parent already, you should know this.  I am not blessed with all of the answers. I do what I feel is best in that moment.  I do make mistakes.  Taking it one day at a time to make sure that we (my hubby and I) are making the right decisions for our family and our son.  Everyday we wake up and are faced with so many different decisions and our kids emulate what we do.  They learn from us.  We are their role models. 

I challenge you to this.  The next time you are out somewhere, at a family party, on vacation, at the grocery store, anywhere, try NOT to be a "judger".  Understand that those parents or people are just doing their best in their everyday life.  They could be parents or that grumpy lady behind the registers.  Walk a mile in their shoes.

DONT JUDGE - Karma is a bitch.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Having and Setting the Right Expectations about Starting a Family

This video was sent to me from a great friend.  Take a listen to the taboo's and unknown truths that many new parents face after their first child. 

So true.  Did you experience some of these things and did you talk about them with other parents??