Parenting a Job?? Who would'a thunk it??

A child is born.  It is an amazing experience. You want to love, shelter and raise that child with everything you can possibly give them.  Shelter them from the craziness that this world has going on.  Grow with them. Learn from them.  Teach them to be the best person they can be.  That is where the "job" part of motherhood comes in.  When you think motherhood when you are not a mom yet, or never plan to be, you think of a loving, supportive, caring, selfless, always there for you, kind of person.  You never think of the behind the scenes struggle that that person may have inside of them with the preforming of the duties of motherhood.

As parents we are supposed to teach our children the ways of the world.  When I was reading around the Internet for some of the so called "duties" of motherhood some things came up like, building self esteem, teaching healthy eating habits, behavior management, responsibility, etc.  I totally agree with a lot of these things and would add some of my own in there too.  What I did not find was the "how to" guide making these things happen for your children, successfully.

Being a mom or a parent involves a great deal of self surrender, you need to overcome your self-centeredness and put your child first.  Teaching your children these core values is no easy feat.  Much of those feelings to providing and sheltering feelings need to be suppressed and tough Super Mom needs to come out.  I am not used to this role yet.  Many say you need to hunker down and stand your ground.  You are the adult.  You need to tell them what is right and wrong.  You need to make your kid independent. Blah, blah, everyone has an opinion right??  Well right now I have to jump in this role, whether i like it or am used to it or not.

Here is the deal: 
My son, sleeps great in his crib until about December 2010, he begins to climb out of crib, my hubby and i get him a "big boy" bed for his room.  Big Boy (only 2 3/4 years old) helps me set up the bed and put all his fav animals on it, woody and buzz wall stickers.  We are pumped to move into this new bed.  Right? 

Well working full time leaves me to have Big Boy watched by a number of people during the week (school, Dad, father in law).  Naps for everyone else are a breeze, he goes into his bed or cot, at school, and goes to sleep.  Bedtime, when Mom isn't home, super!  Big Boy goes to bed no problem.  Mom is home... bedtime is well a needy time for Big Boy.  "Mom, I need you in my Big boy bed with me." Crushes my little heart.  I say, "Sure baby. No problem." Thinking i will get up when he falls asleep.  What happens??  He AND I both fall asleep for the night.  Many times i get up and go in with Dad but... I'm pooped by the end of the day.

SO any mention of this arrangement or situation to friends, family, whoever all say BAD MOVE momma.  You are not teaching your kid Independence.  He will never let you leave his side.  Doesn't this hurt you and Dads relationship.  Truth?  Its been about 3 months of me sleeping (or falling asleep) with Big Boy and I wouldn't change a thing, however, Dad is getting pissed and apparently I'm doing Big Boy a disservice.

I need to cut it off.  Let him scream and cry for hours until he falls asleep without Momma.  Breaks my heart.  It is for his own good. He "needs" to be able to sleep by himself, and he can with EVERYONE else, just not Mom.  After bed time is a special time for my hubby and I as well as me to just relax and decompress.  Here is where the "How to" guide would be really helpful

How do I make Big Boy understand at 2 (almost 3 years old) that he needs to sleep by himself.  It should be easy right??  I am the Momma and that is what is best for him.  I don't have a good reason.  It is just what i say.  He can scream and kick and yell and be extremely sad, mad and angry at me.  but what I say goes. 

I think??  Right?? Ughhhhhh.....

Judging -- Is it human nature??

Latley I have been feeling the pressure of others passing judgement on my parenting and my child.  Could it all be in my head?  Maybe but I doubt it.  My boy is a good boy, active, caring, funny, never meaning to do harm.  He is almost 3!  The craziness of the world hasnt effeted him yet.  He is still pure so to speak.

If you know me you know my first instinct is to haul off and punch these "judgers" but then I think back to the days before I had my child.  I judged others parenting - I worked in a day care center for the love of the lord.  I was constantly with children and taking their actions as a reflection of their parents wrong doing.  Now here I sit, with a great little almost 3 year old experiencing people doing this to me - openly to boot!  Karma is a bitch I guess. I know there is a lesson in here somewhere.  :)

Ok, here it is:  I now know that I need to NOT do this to others because I do not live in their life on a day to day basis.  I am not walking that mile in their shoes.  When we first have our children we get it in our head that we are going to be the best damn parents to our kids.  They are going to grow up honest, helpful, disciplined, good kids. Right?? Sounds easy enough. 

Wrong.  This is no joke.  Parenting is an everyday learning experience.  If you are a parent already, you should know this.  I am not blessed with all of the answers. I do what I feel is best in that moment.  I do make mistakes.  Taking it one day at a time to make sure that we (my hubby and I) are making the right decisions for our family and our son.  Everyday we wake up and are faced with so many different decisions and our kids emulate what we do.  They learn from us.  We are their role models. 

I challenge you to this.  The next time you are out somewhere, at a family party, on vacation, at the grocery store, anywhere, try NOT to be a "judger".  Understand that those parents or people are just doing their best in their everyday life.  They could be parents or that grumpy lady behind the registers.  Walk a mile in their shoes.

DONT JUDGE - Karma is a bitch.

Having and Setting the Right Expectations about Starting a Family

http://www.ted.com/talks/rufus_griscom_alisa_volkman_let_s_talk_parenting_taboos.html

This video was sent to me from a great friend.  Take a listen to the taboo's and unknown truths that many new parents face after their first child. 

So true.  Did you experience some of these things and did you talk about them with other parents?? 

~Kim

Christmas Showdown

Does anyone else feel as if they are in a competition with their significant other when it comes to getting gifts for each other.  Who can get the biggest and best gift for each other??  I worked hard this year with the budget given by said hubby to get him items I thought he would really like.  Now all of the guys at work are like, "ohhh you should get him a recliner, or a great pair of socks, or..." Its tough... it is the thought that counts right??  I think one big (expensive) gift and a couple of other things are good for xmas.  No need to go all nuts on each other. 

What do you think??  Do you and your partner get this way about Christmas (holiday) gifts?? 

~Kim

Mom Stereotypes

There are so many different kinds of Moms out there.... they worried Mom, the overprotective Mom, the all about family Mom, the motherhood comes easy to me Mom, the carefree, let the kiddos do whatever they want Mom, and so on.  Its amazingly interesting to see what kind of Mom your friends become. I have each of these kinds of mom friends (granted i don't have a lot of mom friends yet). 

It makes me think... what is the type of mom-dom do I portray to others?? The frazzled Mom??  The Overprotective Mom??  The Crazy Mom??   I mean, I look around at my friends and how they interact with their kids and then look at myself as being kind of a mis-mash of all of these types of Moms.  It kind of depends on the day.  I do find myself wanting a mom friend just like me but... at the same time I love all of my different mom type friends.  They keep me sane. 

Who is to say that stereotyping of moms is an OK thing to do??

I guess its a natural thing as we tend to stereotype a number of different things. Right??

Do any of you ever put your mom friends or yourself into a mom type category??  Are all of your mom friends the same type of mom that you are??  Or do you much rather have mom friends of all types to keep you level headed??

Let me know your thoughts!!

~Kim

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back... Christmas Tree Set Up

In true holiday fashion, every year I drag my hubby and my in-laws to the local fire department to pick out the BEST Christmas tree that they have. I normally take about 45 minutes to an hour checking out their inventory. This year I recruited the firefighters to follow me around the lot pulling out each tree, spinning it and putting it back. My spec's for a tree are quite intense. The tree must be triangular, full, about 6.5 ft in height and have NO holes or sharp needles. You would think that it would be easy to find but no ma'am.  I need the BEST tree for our family. I'm sure you all go through this every year, right? ;)

This year, after about 35 minutes of searching, the firefighter pulled out this one tree, it was perfect in shape, fullness and height! It was our tree. I couldn't believe it, and in record time too!  I knew because, the white light came from behind the tree and "Santa Claus is coming to Town" started playing.

Dramatic, I know, but it feels good to get what i want. :))

"Ill take it," I said.

"Really? This is the one?" the guy asked me in disbelief.

"Yes, that is our tree!!"

With a sigh of relief, he cut the end off and we were off!

Now comes the set up.... LOL... this is where it gets good. We have a great stand, it has an area that fills with water to weigh the tree stand down.  So we begin to fill it up and pour more and more water in there.  We put the tree in and turn the 4 prongs to get the tree to stand upright.  My father in-law was holding the tree and my hubby turning and turning away.  Ok, the time comes for father in-law to let go, TIMBER!  The tree fall over.  It wouldn't stand up.  Come to find out, despite the gorgeous shape, etc of the tree the trunk looks like a snake making it fall over every which way we situate it in the stand. LOL. What comes next??

Well my Father in-law goes to driveway to get some gravel, yup gravel, in my house, to dump in the stand to hold the tree up.  Ok, fine whatever it takes... even though he is dumping gravel all over my floor.  Take two of the holding and turning the prongs...Did it work?? NO! Oh my, what are we going to do?? 

Long story short, we ended up having to hang the the mama jamma tree from the CEILING!  The Ceiling!! I have never heard of this before, Mr. Tree left us with no choice. After an hour of trying to stand our "perfect" tree up, we ended up hanging it from the ceiling. Unbelievable.

Next came the lighting of the tree.  Did you know that not all LED lights are created equal??  Nope.  Each lights a different color and shade.  I found this out after systematically placing the LED lights that I had from last year on the tree.  My 2 year old, my hubby and I counting down to plug in the lights to see the beauty that was our tree...

3, 2, 1...Ahhhhh.... all different colors!!

I simply couldn't keep it as it.... I had to unwrap all the systematically placed lights, run to Kmart and get different lights, re-wrap the tree, count down to plug in again and what.... they were all different colors again... OMG, by this point I was ready to scream.  Of course, my hubby was reminding me that none of this would happen if we had an artificial tree.  All I wanted was a perfect xmas tree and to have my family take part in the fun of putting it all together.

I felt like Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation...

I needed a break.  Came back to this project later on that evening by myself with a glass of wine to sooth the nerves.  I had found another box of mini lights in the basement that matched some of the other lights I had around the house.  I wrapped the tree by myself and waiting for the fam to do the ornaments.  It came out as beautiful as I had expecting in the beginning. 

HARD WORK but it paid off.

Do any of you make a production out of getting and decorating your tree??  OR have you had a hell of a time getting the tree just the way you wanted it??  or am I just to OCD??

~Kim

Everyone’s career has that one defining moment

Everyone’s career has that one defining moment.  Well that moment has not hit me yet. Quarterly meeting in which I get noticed for 3 years of dedicated service, the CEO does have one good thing to say about me.  “And here is Kim, three years…” crickets… ugh… makes me want to scream because not only am I here doing the best that I can in the role given, but I am away from my lil one.  I should have been recognized for ONE friggen thing that was memorable during my time here… Have you had that one defining moment in your career yet?